Firstly, have you ever heard of We Are Not Broken Day?
I personally haven’t but here we are creating the awareness of the day.
It is celebrated internationally on 17 January. This day is to celebrate the fact that “We Are Not Broken” despite what society thinks of those that have endured trauma, have mental illness, have had amputations, had physical scars or had invisible illness.
Secondly, have you heard of the Kintsugi art?
It is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold. It is built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.
Let’s embrace both broken and kintsugi art in our motherhood lives.
When we talk about broken, it indicates something that is no longer in working order, trauma and disease does not dictate that we are broken and never should.
Our lives are full of ups and downs.
So often when we are hit with a challenge that changes our physical being or the state in which we live daily because of something out of our control we are labelled as broken or soft. These labels lead to depression, isolation, guilt, second-guessed, something beyond our control now becomes a whole other issue in our lives.
This cycle needs to stop, we need to recognise we are not broken or damaged or in need of repair, we overcome, and we can challenge the societal norms and change the narrative.
The guilt that is closer to our hearts is the mom’s guilt.
You will feel guilty whether for going back to work after bearing the child. or for staying at home to raise the child.
You can’t win and both don’t serve anyone any good.
There are several ways to overcome “mom’s guilt” of going back to work:
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Reframe your mindset!
Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on, focus on the positive aspects of working, such as the financial benefits, the sense of accomplishment, and the opportunity for personal growth.
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If you have partner, communicate clearly with your partner.
Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and work together to create a schedule that allows you to spend quality time with your children.
If you don’t have partner, communicate clearly with your support networks whether it is your extended family, day care, school, work on schedules, expectations, and boundaries.
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Prioritise time with your children.
Make the most of the time you do have with your children by planning fun activities and being fully present when you’re with them. Quality over quantity. Activity doesn’t have to be expensive. Walking or riding around the block to get some fresh air away from technologies is good enough to recharge.
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Seek support.
Connect with other working mothers to share your experiences and gain support and encouragement. Utilise the counselling session such as Employee Assistant Program that most company have in place to support its employee.
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Take care of yourself.
Make sure you’re taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. This will help you feel more balanced and less guilty. Read my other blog on meditation helps me set up intention for each day.
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Embrace the guilt.
Sometimes accepting that you will feel guilty and that it’s normal can help you feel less burdened by it. Acceptance is a positive emotion.
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Find a balance that works for you and your family.
There is no one size fits all solution to this, try different arrangements and find what works best for you and your family. It is trial and error until you find your mojo.
Equally, staying at home and not earning income can also be a common feeling for mothers who have chosen to take care of their children full-time rather than pursuing a career. This guilt can stem from feelings of not contributing financially to the family, not having a sense of purpose or identity outside of being a mother, or the belief that they should be working and earning money.
There are several ways to overcome “mom’s guilt” for staying at home and not earning income:
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Reframe your mindset.
Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on, focus on the positive aspects of being a stay-at-home parent, such as being able to be there for your children during important moments, having the flexibility to make your own schedule, and the opportunity to be fully present in your children’s lives.
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Find a sense of purpose.
Look for ways to volunteer, take a class, or pursue a hobby that allows you to use your skills and interests outside of being a parent. Learning new skill or upskilling for when you are ready to return to the workforce.
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Communicate with your partner or family.
Talk to your partner or family about how you’re feeling and work together to create a plan for how you will contribute financially to the family.
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Seek support.
Connect with other stay-at-home mothers to share your experiences and gain support and encouragement.
Support can also be financial support so reach out to Centrelink or other government support if required.
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Take care of yourself.
Make sure you’re taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. This will help you feel more balanced and less guilty.
-
Embrace the guilt.
Sometimes accepting that you will feel guilty and that it’s normal can help you feel less burdened by it.
-
Find a balance that works for you and your family.
There is no one size fits all solution to this, try different arrangements and find what works best for you and your family. Not going to work don’t mean that you can’t have a good routine. Read my blog on 10 Daily Practical Idea.
Remember, it’s important to remember that both working and being a stay-at-home parent is a balancing act and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s normal to feel guilty sometimes. The most important thing is to not let it consume you and to try to find a balance that works for you and your family.
We are not perfect, we are not superwomen, we are just mothers doing the best we can with the love and support we have. Being a mother is both a challenging and rewarding role, and that it’s okay to make mistakes and to not have everything figured out. We are strong, capable, and doing our best, despite any difficulties or challenges we may be facing.
We are not broken, we are the Kintsugi mums!
Take care and be well.
Busymumhacks x
