The 26 January is known as Australia Day.  It is a public holiday yet a controversy day because it is honouring the establishment of the first permanent European settlement on the continent of Australia. To me, it is always my Father’s Day. It was his birthday.  

He passed away at the age of 66 years and for this era, that is quite a young age.  

He is my biological father. 

I was his first princess although my sister is the one who got a name which means Princess.

Was he perfect?

Maybe he wasn’t perfect to others but to me, he tried his best shot.

I am lucky to have such a role model.

He played a significant role model in the upbringing and development of my characters. 

He provided emotional and financial support, guidance, and discipline.

My father was a figure of authority and responsibility within the family, yet he was tender and loving inside.

My memory of my father always pleasant except when years ago he lost the business his built. 

He was lost because he was always busy with work and suddenly had not much things going on. 

I could remember his vulnerability during that time, yet he showed his strength differently.

He was always my rock that I relied on heavily.

When I lost him the year that my son was born, I was completely devastated.

To feel both extreme emotions of joyous birth and death in one year was overwhelming.

I have never felt that feeling in my whole life.

Losing my father is one of the most painful experiences anyone can go through.

The loss of a father is not only a loss of a parent, but also a loss of a role model, a confidant, and a protector.

The grief and emotions that come with losing a father can be overwhelming and can feel never-ending.

For many people including myself, the death of a father brings a sense of emptiness and a feeling of being lost. The void left by the loss of a father can be felt in all aspects of life, from daily routines to major life events.

It can be difficult to imagine life without the presence of a father and the guidance and support he provided.

The grieving process is different for everyone, and there is no set timeline for how long it should take. Some people may begin to feel better relatively quickly, while others may take much longer to start to heal. 

Grief is not a linear process, and it can come in waves, with some days or weeks feeling better and others feeling worse. It took me a good 3 years to overcome the grief. 

It took me longer than normal because I also had to deal with other situations. 

Covid was a blessing in disguise for me, I had the time to stay low and away from people but solitude with myself.

I knew that I came to peace with the grieving when I saw an asparagus fern plant when I went to a forest retreat.  

It is important to remember that healing from grief is not about forgetting the person who has died, but rather learning to live with the loss and to find ways to hold onto the love and memories of the person who has passed away.

The hole in your heart will always be there but it is little less painful as the years go by.

Some ways to cope with grief include:

• Allow yourself to feel your emotions. 

Don’t try to suppress them or push them away. If you need to cry, cry it out. It is a huge emotion. Although death is expected but not many are ready to deal with it when it comes.

• Talk to someone about your feelings. 

This can be a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a support group. 

• Take care of yourself physically. 

Eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. I lost weight due to loss of appetite but it had now passed. 

• Find healthy ways to remember your father. 

This can be through writing, art, or other creative outlets.

• Seek professional help if needed.

It is important to seek professional help if grief is interfering with your daily life and you can’t seem to move forward. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you work through your grief.

The loss of a father can also bring about feelings of guilt and regret for things left unsaid or undone. These feelings are normal and that it’s never too late to express your love and gratitude for your father. 

Losing a father is a difficult and painful experience. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve in your own way and to give yourself time to heal. 

Remember to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally and seek support when needed. 

Keep your father’s memories close to your heart and try to find ways to honor his legacy and keep his spirit alive.

Happy birthday, pipi! 

Much love, 

Your little princess x

Busymumhacks

You’re a mom, so there’s a high probability that you’ve experienced mom guilt before. 

Feeling bad about a mistake you made is healthy and can help you choose a wiser, more effective option in the future. However, being consumed with guilt is another story, and this kind of shame can be counterproductive, causing you to focus on problems, become irritable, and be more likely to make the mistakes you’re trying to avoid.  

You can use this mom guilt worksheet to help you put into journal. Kindly click the link below to download the worksheet!

For more busy mum hacks and tips, head to www.busymumhacks.com.

Mom Guilt – Worksheet

Firstly, have you ever heard of We Are Not Broken Day? 

I personally haven’t but here we are creating the awareness of the day.

It is celebrated internationally on 17 January. This day is to celebrate the fact that “We Are Not Broken” despite what society thinks of those that have endured trauma, have mental illness, have had amputations, had physical scars or had invisible illness. 

Secondly, have you heard of the Kintsugi art? 

It is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold. It is built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

Let’s embrace both broken and kintsugi art in our motherhood lives.

When we talk about broken, it indicates something that is no longer in working order, trauma and disease does not dictate that we are broken and never should. 

Our lives are full of ups and downs.

So often when we are hit with a challenge that changes our physical being or the state in which we live daily because of something out of our control we are labelled as broken or soft. These labels lead to depression, isolation, guilt, second-guessed, something beyond our control now becomes a whole other issue in our lives.

This cycle needs to stop, we need to recognise we are not broken or damaged or in need of repair, we overcome, and we can challenge the societal norms and change the narrative.

The guilt that is closer to our hearts is the mom’s guilt.

You will feel guilty whether for going back to work after bearing the child. or for staying at home to raise the child.  

You can’t win and both don’t serve anyone any good.

There are several ways to overcome “mom’s guilt” of going back to work:

• Reframe your mindset!

Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on, focus on the positive aspects of working, such as the financial benefits, the sense of accomplishment, and the opportunity for personal growth.

• If you have partner, communicate clearly with your partner.

Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and work together to create a schedule that allows you to spend quality time with your children.

If you don’t have partner, communicate clearly with your support networks whether it is your extended family, day care, school, work on schedules, expectations, and boundaries.

• Prioritise time with your children.

Make the most of the time you do have with your children by planning fun activities and being fully present when you’re with them.  Quality over quantity. Activity doesn’t have to be expensive.  Walking or riding around the block to get some fresh air away from technologies is good enough to recharge.

• Seek support.

Connect with other working mothers to share your experiences and gain support and encouragement. Utilise the counselling session such as Employee Assistant Program that most company have in place to support its employee. 

• Take care of yourself.

Make sure you’re taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. This will help you feel more balanced and less guilty. Read my other blog on meditation helps me set up intention for each day.

• Embrace the guilt.

Sometimes accepting that you will feel guilty and that it’s normal can help you feel less burdened by it. Acceptance is a positive emotion.

• Find a balance that works for you and your family.

There is no one size fits all solution to this, try different arrangements and find what works best for you and your family. It is trial and error until you find your mojo.

Equally, staying at home and not earning income can also be a common feeling for mothers who have chosen to take care of their children full-time rather than pursuing a career. This guilt can stem from feelings of not contributing financially to the family, not having a sense of purpose or identity outside of being a mother, or the belief that they should be working and earning money.

There are several ways to overcome “mom’s guilt” for staying at home and not earning income:

• Reframe your mindset.

Instead of thinking about what you’re missing out on, focus on the positive aspects of being a stay-at-home parent, such as being able to be there for your children during important moments, having the flexibility to make your own schedule, and the opportunity to be fully present in your children’s lives.

• Find a sense of purpose.

Look for ways to volunteer, take a class, or pursue a hobby that allows you to use your skills and interests outside of being a parent. Learning new skill or upskilling for when you are ready to return to the workforce.

• Communicate with your partner or family.

Talk to your partner or family about how you’re feeling and work together to create a plan for how you will contribute financially to the family.

• Seek support.

Connect with other stay-at-home mothers to share your experiences and gain support and encouragement.

Support can also be financial support so reach out to Centrelink or other government support if required.

• Take care of yourself.

Make sure you’re taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being. This will help you feel more balanced and less guilty.

• Embrace the guilt.

Sometimes accepting that you will feel guilty and that it’s normal can help you feel less burdened by it.

• Find a balance that works for you and your family.

There is no one size fits all solution to this, try different arrangements and find what works best for you and your family. Not going to work don’t mean that you can’t have a good routine. Read my blog on 10 Daily Practical Idea.

Remember, it’s important to remember that both working and being a stay-at-home parent is a balancing act and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s normal to feel guilty sometimes. The most important thing is to not let it consume you and to try to find a balance that works for you and your family.

We are not perfect, we are not superwomen, we are just mothers doing the best we can with the love and support we have. Being a mother is both a challenging and rewarding role, and that it’s okay to make mistakes and to not have everything figured out. We are strong, capable, and doing our best, despite any difficulties or challenges we may be facing.

We are not broken, we are the Kintsugi mums!

Take care and be well.

Busymumhacks x

As a busy working mums, daily time management can be challenging. 

Tasks are started the moment we wake up.  

It is a tough gig and extremely tough especially if you must do it solo most of the time.  

In summer, my body clock follows the sunrise therefore I wake up early while in winter, my body just know when to wake up.

I sometime wake up early because my body wakes me up naturally.  I listen to it. Instead of rolling around on the bed, I do some stuff, yes, random stuff like decluttering, sorting out papers or kitchen, journalling, listening to podcasts, etc whatever time I wake up.

Following are 10 practicals idea that you can implement for juggling work and personal life daily:

1. Drink enough water

A glass of room-temperature water after sleep is good to wake up internal organs.  It is recommended to have it within 30 minutes of waking up time. Your body will thank you for this. Drink water throughout the day.

A glass of water to start the day!

2.  Morning stretch

I practise Yoga with Adrienne and Charley Yoga because it is quick and I feel the effect almost immediately. Be mindful and intention about the yoga movement in the morning.  The body is adjusting from sleeping so be gentle. I caught up with this myself a few times that I sprained my left arm because I got excited when the body warmed up a little.

Stretch your body!

3. Have a sip

What’s your favourite beverage in the morning? I hope it is not a carbonated drink.  I can’t drink coffee due to the high caffeine in it so I have a sip of tea in the morning.  This is a luxury thing for me so if I don’t have the time at home, as soon as I get to the office, I make myself a cuppa before starting to check my emails and tasks to do for the day.

Enjoy that luxury time of sipping warm drink slowly!

4. Meditate

Do you meditate regularly?  I learned meditation due to my family upbringing as a Buddhist. It wasn’t a 5-minute meditation, as a youngster, I did at least 30-minutes meditation. We can talk more about that in another blog. However, recent years, I have been introduced to an apps Insight Timer to do guided meditation for any topics. 

I choose 5-10 minutes one and around grateful or any important event for the day. I meditate for lots of things such as before an interview while using the public transport as soon as I sit down.  Meditate is not recommended while driving a car.

Start small then build up!

5. Breakfast or Brunch or straight to lunch

Do you have breakfast? I am not a cereal person. I like warm foods in general due to my upbringing.  I was fortunate that when I grew up, a warm breakfast meal is served on the table before school. It is a time to chat with my parents especially my father because that is the time of the day that we are together while dinner time was depend on if he was home on time to have dinner together. 

Now, my son has a breakfast every day before school while I sometime have it or get something light on the way to the office or just skip it completely and have a proper lunch.  

Breakfast or not having breakfast, it’s your choice.

6. Plan your day and have regular breaks

Set the priorities for the day/week if it hasn’t been done last week.  Planning will keep your day/week productive.  I work in front of the computer a lot during the day if not going to a meeting, and I can spend hours for not getting up from my chair other than the toilet break. 

I now intentionally walk and chat with colleagues and stretch my upper body, so it doesn’t lock into closing posture from using keyboard frequently.  I am thankful that the office desk is adjustable so I can work while stand up during the day.  Remember to get your daily water intake around 2 litre a day and lunch break away from your screen. 

Find your break and plan it intentionally!

7. Set up boundaries

Like a boss, yes, you heard it right. Your boss at work may not like this but it works wonder for working mums.  The truth is as busy working mums, we have the ultimate boss at home. I don’t mean your husband or partner.  It’s your little one.  They couldn’t care less if you had a bad day at work or if you are sick, they still need your attention 24/7. 

I worked long hours before child and was still working long hours when returning to work after maternity leave, but I couldn’t sustain it for long time. When I say about boundaries, it doesn’t mean that neglecting work completely.

Get the work done and productive while you are at work. If lucky, we get an understandable boss or workplace that the old style of working is dead.  Thank goodness covid hit us.  In this context, it is a reset button to revisit the working style.  Work can be done anywhere and by showing up physically at the office, it doesn’t mean that workers are more productive than the workers at home.  The outputs and processes that needs to be measured not attendance.

Be firm on boundaries!

8. Listen to podcasts

I started to listen to podcast on my way home recently instead of trolling Facebook although I do that occasionally too.  The reason that I stop trolling on the bus is also because my eyes need a break from screen and the bus movement makes me feel sick.  The problem with trolling is time-consuming; it was started with 5 min then 60 minutes later, you are still there. I don’t watch TV at home so my life can feel like in a little bubble.  I don’t like TV because one needs to sit down for hours without doing anything else.

I forgot that I used to listen to the radio a lot for music.  I could pinpoint the stage of my life according to the song replays on the radio.  Now, I just shift what I am listening to without dismissing the music completely. There are range of podcasts to suit our needs around money, parenting and relationships.

Listen to your current interest!

9. Eat dinner

Our weekly dinner time is a quick process because I do Sunday Cook-up and only reheat daily.  I plan my meal from Sunday dinner to Thursday lunch.  Currently, the meal planning includes lunches and dinners.  It includes one meat (protein) with vegetables and carbohydrate.  We have one vegetarian day.

I am off from the kitchen from Friday to Sunday afternoon.  By doing meal planning, dinner time is less stressful and have time to spend quality time to help with creativity or read book before bed.

Do you do meal planning?

10. Sleeping

I was an easy sleeper.  I can do power nap of 20 minutes to refresh.  It changed over the time especially after giving birth. My sleeping pattern were shocking and only now after 3 years, my old self returns slowly. It happened previously that I really couldn’t continue working during the day. I wasn’t ill enough to go home but I need to lay my head down or in a relaxing posture.  Luckily, my workplace has a wellness room. 

Now, at night soon as the lights off and my head hits the pillow, it won’t last long for me to dose off.  I sometime can randomly wake up like 2.30am and started to get a few things done. This is usually only happened during the week so I can cope, and I listen to my body.  I have been told it still means that I don’t sleep well and that is for another discussion.

Power hour sleep!

Be kind to yourself and take care until then.

Busymumhacks x